i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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