Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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