my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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