what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
