You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
