lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
