You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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