Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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