last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
