Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
