I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
