Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
