I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
