you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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