god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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