I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
