God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
