Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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