She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
