I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
