what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
