I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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