And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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