there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
