Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
