I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
