I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
