i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
