Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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