If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
