that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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