First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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