belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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