If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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