this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
