He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
