when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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