Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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