Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
