Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
