Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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