She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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