I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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