The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
