I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
