Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
