I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
