I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
