Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
