i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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