Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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