he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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