I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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