i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
