On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
