if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
